of debating and starting 1st year..
2006-06-14, 5:15 p.m.

I just checked AUDC 2006 speakers tab.
My individual performance is a far cry from my personal best.
As much as I don’t like it, I’m not surprised though.
I think I know why, I played things differently this year.

This time around, instead of taking on positions I felt strongest in, I took on positions my other teammates felt weakest at.
They’re good speakers and their elaboration on issues is better than mine, plus, they have better structure too.
So, for the sake of team dynamic, I kind of voluntarily took on kamikaze positions for myself… allowing them to be great at what they do and compromising my performance.
And I plain suck when I do this (haha… ;D)
As long as we win, it didn’t matter.
That’s how I felt.
I kind of forgot about myself as an individual maybe…
But since it’s a choice I made – I am fully responsible for what I achieve.
I lost an overall focus.
I shouldn’t have.
I’ll try not to next time… and there will be a next time, insyaAllah.

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Btw, IIU super team is the champion of the Great Serdang Debate! =)
After smashing MMU in the final round and claiming RM3K cash, Fareez, Azrul and Azahan heightened IIU’s reputation as one of Malaysia’s (if not THE best) debating institutions.
Hear! Hear!

What I’d give to get there… ;-)

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Oh, the next international debate tournament is Australs 2006.
Since I am not officially registered in IIU, Gombak, I’m not allowed to go for selections.
(boo~!)
But ones who were selected definitely deserved the place.
Only two teams will be sent this time.
GOOD LUCK, you guys.
Make a record for yourselves!
=)

Oh, the tournament’s held in New Zealand. It’s hosted by Victoria University of Wellington. (Kid’s current university… hehe, sayangnya, wanted to go see you!)
Go to http://www.australs2006.com for more info.

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On the 3rd of July, I’ll start my orientation in Gombak.
This marks my 1st year of an engineering undergrad.
I’ve been having mixed feelings about this.
On one hand, I’m very very excited.
The other, I’m very very scared.

One, there’s my studies.
I did not get the grades I wanted SO badly in matric.
I took on a lot of non-academic responsibilities.
I’ve been compromising academics a lot.
I yearn the years I scored straight As… where did that state/standard of achievement go?
*strangles self*
(where, Puteri, where?)
I need a total makeover in studying… and I will do that.
So, if you find me in the library a lot.
Don’t ask.
Walk away.

Two, there’s debating.
With all the seniors who are very experienced, where do I stand?
We’ve been told one too many times to not feel intimidated for being super-juniors (when in matric).
But I find myself even more afraid in tournaments where I have to face another IIU team rather than teams from other institutions.
How do I deal training with them all?
They’re so bloody good and consistent.
I am so bloody non-constant in my method and matter.
Can I live up to the set standard?
Phew.
*prays hard*

Three, there’s life.
It’s a whole new beginning, a whole new chapter.
For a person who feels/experience a lot, every moment can be turning points.
I just hope I don’t make decisions I can’t handle or decisions that’ll cause a downfall.
So much can be happening in my life at one time.
So many feelings run through my heart at one time.
So many things…
I just hope I can handle them all.
The best way I could.
*amin*

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