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Happy, happy, happy... not?
2006-05-10, 1:23 a.m.



I’ve been feeling extreme moods lately. I usually do.
But this time, it’s probably one of the worst.

A while ago, it was the extreme of down…

What is the extreme of down for me like?
It doesn’t occur often but when it does…
It’s when I sit alone by myself and reflect on all my shortcomings… everything negative…
My darkest hours – times I got my heart broken, times I failed expectation, times I screwed up, just really bad times I want to forget about – you get the picture.
And simply trash myself mentally with insults and the direst form of criticism.
(I read in psychological reports that if one wants to establish a good basis of self-esteem, this act is a BIG NO NO… but I’m stubborn you see?)

And then I will let tears fall… continuously. Like river, allowing the current to take control… the current being my emotions.
But with the disposition of this salty liquid… the negativity within me seems to also flow out.
And when the core factor of my extreme down leaves…
So did the negativity…
I will realize that all I needed for that moment is to let it all out… and let go of thoughts that may be holding me back… or ones which crept into my mind again from the past.

And I’ll start to smile again…
To be happy again…
which eventually is GOOD.
=)
(and is also a contradiction to what most psychologists researched on ;p)

My point here is, the happiness a person experience or exude - it is not because things always go their way or nothing bad ever happened to them in the past… sometimes they’ve been through
Even worse s***. (ahem, excuse me)

Being happy…
Is more of knowing the art of picking the best out of every situation to feel happy about… because from having the bad hit you, you appreciate every little bit of good that comes by MORE. And you’ll learn to preserve the positive to carry you through…

I’m writing this as a reminder to myself and those who may want to think about it.
That happiness may not necessarily come from happy times…
But it’s really those bad times in life which makes it even more worthy of being happy about.

I’ll end this here.
YES, I’m aware that I probably overused the word HAPPY here… haha ;D
(But for my defense, there are many psychological report which states that repeated words can give emphasis and will affect readers’/listeners’ moods or feelings.)

I hope in some tiny way, I managed that…
*winks*

=)

btw, you're listening to t.A.t.U's "Gomenasai".., kinda sweet eh?

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